Realisation
by x-MJ-x
Summary: They've been distanced from each other for a lot of reasons, but now after losing one of their own, it's time they realised what they've both been missing. An exploration of the grieving process, post 6x 18 'Lauren'.


**Hello everyone, **

**I wanted to apologise for not having updated my story **_**White Chocolate Knights in White Satin. **_**The long and short of it is that this past week has been a bit of an emotional week and writing has been difficult. I just wanted to let you know that it is on its way (all planned in my head) and I will be on it as soon as this is posted– I promise. **

**In the mean time I wanted to write this one shot for you as my apology and as a response to Lauren, having seen it now I thought there was something I could do with Morgan and Garcia and all that emotion... **

**I hope you enjoy it and will let me know what you thought if you feel so inclined, reviews always make me smile : -) – see I told you! **

**My author's note is the same as ever: I DO NOT own Criminal Minds, its plots or characters and all recognisable dialogues will be clearly marked in italics because I must bow down to the power and genius of CBS. **

**This is for all my wonderful reviewers on WCKIWS I love you all xx**

* * *

The Behavioural Analysis Unit was quiet, but then it was expected to be. The lights were low and the bullpen was deserted, but again this was not a surprise. Even the office of SSAIC Aaron Hotchner was empty and although this was more unusual no one could blame him. The sad truth of this inherent desolation and overwhelming silence was that the team had suffered a major loss today. Emily Prentiss was dead. It was a simple sentence consisting of four equally simple words and yet the cruel truth of those words would impact upon this team forever.

This was a fact he could not escape from as he stood in the darkness, fixing a cup of coffee. Unlike the other members of the team he hadn't been able to go home, he hadn't been able to go to a place where there was nothing but his thoughts- destructive as they currently were. As he poured boiling water into the cup he couldn't help but think there was more he could have done. If he had gotten there sooner, if he hadn't been so angry – what? What could he have done 'if'? 'If' was another annoyingly uncomplicated word consisting of two letters, one syllable but when the word was uttered it meant there were things he could have done better, 'if' was the word of the desperate – it was a should have, would have, could have word and that was dangerous. It inspired thoughts like 'what if Doyle hadn't escaped?', 'what if I had tried harder to save her?', 'what if she had told us the truth?' all of which were dangerous particularly as nothing could be done to change the outcome, particularly as she would still be gone...

Hot tears began to roll down his face as he thought about the moment when he had sunk to his knees begging her to stay with him. They fell with greater intensity as he recalled what she had said, one of the last things he had heard her say on this Earth – _'Let me go'. _It was like she was accepting punishment for withholding the truth from them and he had wanted nothing more than to whisper that it was Ok, that they understood, that they could move past this – as long as she just stayed with them...

People talked about crying into their coffee cups about their problems and he had never understood that before but now he could see where they were coming from, particularly as he was literally crying into his coffee cup. His tears fell and rippled in the black liquid as he stirred in three sugars. This was unusual for him, he didn't take sugar ordinarily but he needed something to steady his nerves. He didn't even know what he was still doing here. He had passed her desk maybe ten times since he had driven back here and each time felt like a knife in his heart.

_She's not here Derek; you didn't do enough to save her. _A cruel voice in the back of his head chided him every time he looked around and saw a trace of her. A report written in her neat rolling script, her cell phone which Hotch had left out on top of her desk when they had been working her case and now, here in the kitchenette her favourite coffee mug... It was just so hard. Derek usually prided himself on being the strong, silent type but ever since Emily's death everything had changed. Today had been awful, carrying her coffin and watching as it was lowered into the ground had just been so harrowing. They were a family, this team were more than colleagues more than friends they cared about each on a level which was deep and consuming and now they were left not only with the hole JJ had left but also an Emily shaped hole and they were both the kind that couldn't be plugged with time. Lord knew they would try – it was all they could do, it was the only way they would be able to function and yet they would never quite get over the losses they had sustained this year.

As he thought about all of this, he began stirring the coffee with such ferocity that it spilled all over his hands.

"Damn!" He hissed, dropping the spoon and beating his fists against the cabinet. The action didn't help solve the situation but it sure as Hell was helping him with his frustrations.

He pummelled it again hating that the inanimate object didn't put up the least bit of resistance against his assaults.

"Damn it Emily! Damn it why didn't you trust me?" He implored, knowing that no one would answer him. It was the million dollar question and yet no one could tell him why the woman he had partnered in the field had never been able to trust him with this secret.

He was exhausted the team had been pushed to their limits and in attempt to remain passive and objective he had been employing all of his energies into wearing a mask which said 'I'm hurt by this but it'll be Ok'. It something he did as much for the benefit of the other team members as for himself. He knew they were all silently falling apart in their own ways and in response to this he had decided to remain the strong one, not that he felt strong right now. He felt like he was falling apart, slowly but surely and soon there would be nothing left...

* * *

That was when he felt it... felt her. It had happened silently as so often it did between them but she had come to be standing behind him, her body pressed close against his as her arms wrapped around his torso. It was a simple gesture and yet he knew that it possessed connotations of something far more complex. They stayed silent for a moment, frozen perfectly in a moment of self indulgent comfort before she began manipulating his arms until they were wrapped around her own.

"There now you're holding me whilst I'm holding you together." She purred against him as she held on for dear life.

He laced his hands through hers studying the perfectly manicured nails of each hand as he considered how special she was.

"I thought I was alone." He whispered and he knew he wasn't referring to being alone in the BAU but more that he had considered himself to be isolated by his emotions.

"Oh no sugar, you're never alone_, I'm here – I'm always right here_." She replied giving him a gentle squeeze.

He contemplated this for a moment – it was true. She always seemed to be there right when he needed her and he liked to think that she could trust the same kind of loyalty and commitment from him. Theirs was a special relationship, one which surpassed any amount of spoken articulation or even the physical displays of their affection for each other. They understood each other on a deep and personal level which could not be explained. She knew what he needed and he knew what she needed and that was just the way it had always been.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this Baby Girl." He told her, trying to suck up his tears.

"Well I can't actually see you Derek so I'm afraid I'm not sure what you mean." She replied evenly waiting for his reaction. They could either stay this way or he could turn around and show her his tears it really was his call right now.

"Baby you know how I feel about showing my emotions..." He mumbled.

"Derek, honey this is you and me we're talking about – it's Ok to cry in front of me, God knows you seen enough of my tears to last you a lifetime. I understand you know, I get why you're crying... I feel it too." She soothed and something she said must have worked because he turned slowly towards her, relinquishing his hold on her hands with some reluctance.

As he turned, she studied his face. His sculpted beautiful face was covered in the sticky tracks of his tears and his mesmerising eyes were filled with a hundred more yet to be cried. In the half light of the kitchen she could see his uncertainty – like somehow witnessing his tears would make her think that he was less of a man. If only he could understand how wrong he was. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable and open to the waves of emotion which filled him just reminded her of the thousands of reasons why she adored him with everything she had.

"Penelope..." He began but his voice shook and he found himself unable to continue.

"Ssh... Ssh my Chocolate God, it's Ok... It's going to be Ok." She whispered pulling him close and feeling his head bury itself in the soft hollow of her shoulder.

"What if... What if there was something else I could have done?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper as she wrapped her hands around his neck and stroked the skin there tenderly.

"Baby don't do this to yourself, don't go down the 'what if' road because if you do, you won't come back and Mama needs her Adonis right here." She told him, fighting back her own tears. She knew that every member of the team wished there was more they could have done to save Emily but in the end it didn't help and it couldn't bring her back.

"She was my friend Penelope and I doubted her, I was mad at her and I didn't get to tell her that we could get over this... everything that happened. I didn't get the chance to tell her how much I always respected her..." He told her.

"Derek every single one of us wishes we could have told her something more than we got the chance to, I wish I'd told her how much I loved her more often because that was the truth but it doesn't help to dwell on what we could have done, we should think about what we do now – we appreciate each other that much more because if Emily's... If Emily teaches us anything then it should be that we're a family and we're special." Penelope told him.

"_You _are pretty damn special Baby Girl. You are our light, you know that right?" He asked.

"Sometimes it gets hard, you know being so amazingly magical all the time Derek. But I guess that someone has to remind everyone about the beautiful things in life." She murmured.

"_Somehow you always make me smile _Baby Girl." He told her pulling her even close to him.

"Those are exactly the same words Emily used Derek, how could you possibly have known that?" Penelope asked in disbelief.

"I didn't but maybe I used those same words because they're true." He told her.

"I just remember the good things, hard as that might seem." She whispered, noting with more than a little thrill how close they were right now.

"Well thank goodness you do." Derek smiled, pulling away a little and looking into her equally puffy eyes.

"Hey what do you say we get out of here? Wanna come over?" He asked, hoping that she would acquiesce, he couldn't contemplate going home alone.

"That sounds like a very good idea Derek, I don't think I can be on my own right now." She replied, looking into his eyes and hoping that he would understand what she meant.

"Alone? What about Lyn... Kevin?" He asked making a conscious effort to use his first name, he knew how much she hated it when he referred to him as Lynch. He also knew that 'Kevin' had moved in with her about two months ago, that was why they always held movie nights at his place or the BAU – since Lynch was too jealous to accept that Penelope's best friend was male.

"Uh... Derek I've been trying to tell you for a while now... Kevin and I... We... We're done, it's all over." She told him, feeling tears beginning to prickle in her eyes. Now he was just going to ask why and she really didn't want to get into that whole thing, especially not since they had so much other stuff going on right now.

"That asshole broke up with you and you didn't tell me?" He asked, the hurt clear in his voice.

"I guess I didn't want to have to admit that once again you were right. I couldn't hold down a relationship because in the end I just wasn't interesting enough. You were always right Derek, no man would be interested in me – not really and besides, I broke up with Kevin not the other way around." She told him, not meaning to be quite so frank or honest.

"What? Baby I..." He tried to defend himself but she held up a hand to silence him.

"It's ok, you don't have to say anything." She murmured lacing her hand through his and attempting to pull him towards the exit but he was stubborn, he remained fixed to the spot waiting for an explanation.

"Why? What happened?" He wanted to know.

"Baby..." She moaned out her frustration.

"Tell me." He instructed.

She sighed knowing that she should never have mentioned it in the first place, she should have just turned him down and pretended that she was going home to Kevin.

"We had a huge fight..." She began hesitantly, heaving in a sigh.

"What about?" Derek pressed.

"He said I didn't love him enough, that I wasn't attentive to his needs, that my head was filled with thoughts of someone else that I wasn't being fair expecting him to stay in a relationship that I didn't want." She told him resignedly.

"Well that's just ridiculous you..." He started but she cut across him.

"You know, at first I felt the same, like I'd been ambushed with all these crazy accusations that weren't founded in anything other than jealousy. But I guess the more I thought about it the more things started to make sense. I realised something – I realised that I had been falling out of love with Kevin pretty much since the day that we got together. I was always comparing him to someone else, I was always finding shortcomings... I realised that I wasn't being fair to Kevin or to myself, so we had a mature discussion and we ended things amicably. Kevin is a good guy really." She explained.

"Comparing him to who Penelope?" Derek asked, his eyes flashing with hope.

"Please Derek... Please don't make me say it, not like this." She begged.

"Penelope you can't just say something like that and expect me not to want an answer. You didn't tell me you'd broken up with Kevin for a reason and I want to know why." He told her, grabbing hold of her pressing her against the edge of the counter firmly. He didn't mean to be rough, but Penelope had a tendency to run from situations like these.

"It was you Derek. It _is_ you." She confessed.

"Why would you compare Kevin to your best friend?" He asked, pushing her further still in the hope that she would take the first step towards helping him to articulate his own feelings.

"Come on Derek, you must know by now, you're more than my best friend, you always have been. I compared Kevin to you because you're the man that I have always wanted, you're the man that I have always loved." She breathed the words out quickly as if they would somehow have less of an impact that way.

"Penelope..." He murmured her name as he tried to comprehend everything she had said. How did he even begin to respond to that? He knew how he wanted to respond, but he also knew he had to tread carefully, they were in a bad place after all.

"Don't say anything, don't spoil it, just listen to it because I feel like we should learn from what's happened and try to always be honest with each other. So please don't say something that you don't mean." She begged.

"I agree with you Goddess, we should always be honest with each other and the truth is I have been trying to tell you for weeks that I can't do this anymore." He told her, pausing for the briefest moment to let this information sink in.

"_This_? You can't do _this_ anymore?" She asked, motioning between the two of them as tears began to well in her eyes.

"Yes that's exactly what I mean. I can't do the _' kind of' _love you seem to want from me Baby Girl. I can't just be your best friend anymore. I've wasted too much time trying to pretend that it could ever be enough, but the truth is if we're the ones left behind now then I want to make sure that I know that if anything ever happened to separate us I would have said everything I could have possibly said to make sure that you know exactly how I feel about you because I couldn't bare for you not to know." He told her.

"Know what?" She asked him, her breath hitching as she realised that what had started off as a moment of comfort had very quickly become a significant moment for both of them.

"I want you to know that three years ago when I told you I loved you, I wasn't playing and I wasn't just tossing the words around because I thought it was something I _should_ say as your friend. I told you I loved you because I meant it in the real sense and I still do." He told her seriously.

"You love me?" She murmured avoiding his eye in case he was going to break her heart the way he had unintentionally done on so many other occasions when the way she felt about him had become the topic of their flirtatious banter.

"I do. I always have." He promised, lifting her chin a little and forcing her to look at him, to notice the sincerity of his stare.

"_I love you too."_ The words slipped from her tongue as easily as they had done before, only this time she was certain that she meant them in their fullest sense. This wasn't one of those friendly 'I love yous' exchanged playfully and with little significance, this was a serious 'take me or leave me because I am going to love with everything in my heart whether you like it or not'.

He grabbed her into a fierce bear hug in his deliriousness. He knew this wasn't the usual reaction to the words 'I love you' but these were hardly 'normal' circumstances. They were both overcome with the grief of today and they always would be but still the words they has exchanged had to change things between them, they simply couldn't go back to the way things had been before. They were different people now than they had been last week and that was all due to the horrendous trauma the team had been put through and the friend they had lost. It was going to take some time to get used to all of this but right now he just wanted to hold her and to know that they would always been this close, that nothing could break them apart...

* * *

"Why did it take this to happen for us to admit the way we feel?" She asked her mouth close to his ear.

"Well sometimes we don't realise how important something is until it's gone, Emily was important to us both and losing her has only proven that. I don't know about you but since we lost her, I have been thinking about the fact that we don't have forever and the thought of losing you before I had the chance to tell you all the things I want you to know is just unbearable." He told her as she drew back to look at him, clutching his hand tightly.

"Don't talk that way... please don't talk that way." She implored, she hated thinking about the negative side of the work they did and today was not the day for this discussion.

"Baby listen to me, if one thing changes about you it should be that you don't keep thinking that I'm invincible, that is the mistake we all made with Emily. We were so sure we could get her out of there exactly the way we always do – that we could save her and go back to being a team, that's why we're all so crushed right now because we feel like we failed. If something were ever to happen to me, I'd want you to be ready for it, I'd want you to know that it's the way the world works. I don't want to frighten you but I need you to be real with me and to understand that we're both human and vulnerable to the ways of the world Ok?" He asked and it really was not his intention to scare her, he just didn't want her to think of him as a God in any other capacity than their flirtations.

"I promise but that doesn't mean I'd let you go without a fight." She told him, letting her lips ghost across the spot just behind his ear.

"Baby I wouldn't expect anything less. Now what do you say we head home and I'll fix us both a glass of wine. We need to toast Emily's life don't we?" He prompted taking her hand and guiding her towards the door.

"Yes, I feel like that's something we should do." She smiled as they made it his truck.

As he wandered back through to the living room with a bottle of red and two glasses, he couldn't help but notice how perfect she looked sitting there on his couch with her bare feet tucked under herself the way she always at when she came here. It looked like she was about to break out into a yoga routine at any moment. He had to laugh at that and she looked up in mild bemusement.

"What?" She asked with a slight giggle as she watched him place the beverage down on his coffee table.

"Nothing, just you Baby Girl – you look comfortable here." He told her, suppressing his laughter.

"That's because I am Derek." She replied as she accepted a glass from him.

He sat down next her the way he always did and she instinctively curled her body around his. Both of these actions were not unusual but tonight they felt different like every tiny movement was somehow alluding to the bigger issues they had to face.

"I miss her so much." Penelope whispered after a while.

"I know I miss her too Baby Girl." He told her, taking a sip from his glass.

"Do you think we'll start to forget her, you know the little things – like the fact that hers eyes changed colour in the sunlight, or that you could get her to do pretty much anything you wanted if you gave her some chocolate or her laughter - I don't want to forget her laughter Derek..." She told him, tears already rolling down her face.

"Hey, hey silly girl, we won't forget her. How could we when we have you? How did you even know that her eyes change colour in the sunlight?" He laughed a little at that one.

"Derek she was one of my best girlfriends, it is my job to notice things that no one else would." She told him pouting a little as she wiped her eyes.

"Ok, Ok I'm sorry. Trust me Goddess we're not going to forget her – it would take something pretty monumental to make us forget a girl like Emily Prentiss." He assured her and was rewarded with her stunning smile.

"You're pretty amazing Derek Morgan." She told him as she sipped at her own wine. "You always know exactly how to make me feel better." She continued.

"Well Mama that's my job." He smiled and they sat in easy silence for a moment.

"Do you think we should say something?" She asked.

"Like what Baby Girl?" He asked a little confused.

"Something about Emily..." She clarified.

"Oh... Of course. Well... Emily if you're listening, I want you to know how sorry I am and I want you to know that you will always be my partner no matter what. I'll make sure no one forgets you Princess you can count on that." He spoke to the room in general hoping that Emily could hear him wherever she was.

"That's right Em, you may have gone to that wonderful place in the sky, you may be with the angels but know this – here on this Earth you will be loved with all the power of our beating hearts because we _do_ love you." Penelope added and once again, her eyes were streaming.

"To Emily. Loved always by her team." Derek told her, raising his glass and waiting for Penelope to join him.

"To Emily." She agreed and they clinked glasses.

* * *

For what felt like hours after that they held each other, both silent as they let out their mutual grief. She had wrapped her arms around his strong chest and was clinging on like her life depended on it whilst he let his hands slide through her glossy hair. It was with heavy hearts and heady sadness that they found each other again. For months things hadn't been quite right between and it seemed that the logical explanation for this was the deterioration of her relationship with Kevin. She had been terrified of the extent and power of her feelings for Derek in those last months and so distance had been the best thing for everybody but now, joined in their mutual grief and the discovery that they both felt the same way about each other they had each returned to themselves and in doing so they had inevitably rediscovered each other.

"I've missed you Derek." She whispered after a while, acknowledging for the first time that things hadn't been right between them.

"I haven't been anywhere Baby Girl, I always been right here waiting for you to realise that I always would be, no matter what." He told her giving her arm a little squeeze.

"I'm sorry things have been awkward between us. I never meant for us to grow apart." She replied sadly.

"Hey it doesn't matter anymore, we're right back to where we started from and it's going to be Ok." He assured her.

"No Derek... Everything is different now, we're not the same... At least I don't think we are. What you said earlier, if you meant it, it changes everything. So I guess the question is did you mean it?" She asked, putting her empty glass back down on the table.

"Penelope of course I meant it. This is you and me and I'm tired of avoiding the truth. I love you and I don't care how many times I have to say it before you believe me. I love you Ok?" He promised turning to face her on the couch and fixing her with a stare which was charged with the extent of the emotion he truly felt.

"You really meant it?" She asked, hardly daring to hope.

"Yes. Why? Didn't you?" He asked a little hurt by her doubt. Today had been a day filled with some heavy emotions and right now he didn't want to mess with what he was feeling. He couldn't pretend that being her best friend was ever going to be enough now, not when they had lost Emily – not when he couldn't be sure how long he would have with her.

"Of course I did. I have been in love with you since day one it just took me a while to realise that without you I would never be happy. I love you Derek Morgan Ok? I do." She promised with the whole of her heart.

Soon, the simple action of saying the words just didn't seem to be enough. She was shifting closer to him, her arms were circling around his neck in a desperate attempt to pull him closer. Derek didn't resist, he let her manipulate him until their bodies were flush against one another.

"I have been dreaming of this moment for six years Derek..." She mumbled as she lowered her head towards his. This was it, the moment when she would finally get to experience a kiss with her Chocolate Adonis...

She was just about to close the gap when he pulled back slightly and she became utterly confused.

"Goddess do you think we really should? We're grieving I don't want you to think that I'm just in this because I can't be alone, I want the first time I kiss you to be perfect, exactly what you deserve..." He told her and she smiled at that, he was so considerate, so perfect exactly as she had imagined he would be...

"Derek I know why we're here and it's Ok that part of that is because we can't be alone right now. I'll be honest, I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be tonight or anyone else who could give me back the hope I needed. You always know how to make me feel better and you told me you love me. I believe you and I know that you would never hurt me. If Emily was here you know what she would say? She'd ask exactly why you haven't kissed me yet and I'm asking the same question right now." She told him her chest heaving with expectation.

"God I love you." He breathed, pulling her close and lowering his lips onto hers.

* * *

The kiss was better than anything he had ever imagined. Her lips were so full and soft responding to his tentative caress immediately. She pulled at his own lips with a fervour that drove him crazy. He knew in that moment, from that one perfect kiss that he was hers forever. Her hands slid up his head caressing him slowly as his own hand snaked into her hair, desperately pulling her closer. She seemed to lose her balance, falling into him with a slight gasp. Ever the opportunist he took full advantage of this momentary loss of control and slipped his tongue into her mouth.

She tasted of wine but more than that she possessed a sweetness that he could have only have hoped for. As their tongues fought for dominance she let out the most delicious little sighs which had his desire growing and pressing against her stomach insistently in a matter of seconds. She pulled back, giggling nervously as if she couldn't believe that all of this was happening. He had to admit this was better than any fantasy he had ever imagined...

"Damn girl..." He muttered as she began kissing the strong column of his neck and allowing her hands to explore the defined muscles of his rock hard torso through the shirt and tie he still wore.

"You look good in formal attire baby..." She breathed as she felt his hands snaking up between their bodies and grasping at the buttons of her cardigan.

He didn't speak as he slid the buttons loose and dragged the material down her arms. She shrugged out of it easily and tossed it carelessly to one side.

"But you know... I... Oh God... I think you'd look even better... out of it..." She gasped through her languorous kisses. He really wasn't helping matters. She could feel his want and desire for her so insistently now that she was finding it difficult to form a coherent thought. This coupled with the fact that his hands were tracing every one of her _feminine curves_ from her ample breasts right down to her curvaceous hips, meant that the beautiful mind of Penelope Garcia was completed consumed by delicious inappropriate thoughts...

Her hands slid up the tie he wore, reaching for the knot and making short work of it and discarding the item quickly. Just as she was about to start work on the buttons of his shirt, she felt his hands closing around the underside of her thighs, dragging her onto his lap so that there was not even a millimetre between them.

"You are perfect..." He told her as he gripped the zipper on the back of her dress and began tugging it down. Maybe this was all moving too fast but to him it felt so right that the possibility of stopping was just not an option right now...

"Derek..." She mumbled against his shoulder as she popped the first button on his shirt.

"Mm?" He murmured against her throat, the vibrations tickling her sensitised skin.

"This isn't... Just comfort sex right?" She asked nervously.

"Baby this isn't sex at all... This love... this is making love and there is a difference." He replied, brushing her hair off of her shoulder and giving her a kiss full on the mouth.

"I don't want us to do something we'll regret in the morning..." She whispered, her fingers working the remaining buttons. Despite her doubts Penelope had no intention of stopping...

"Penelope listen to me, I will never regret this. I love you Mama and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much." He told her, his fingers tracing every dip and plane of her exposed back.

"I like the sound of that sugar..." She whispered as she felt him beginning to slide the dress from her body.

He let out a hiss of pleasure as her nails began to scrape down his newly exposed chest. So many times she had placed her hand over his heart in a mark of pure possession but the way he had felt on all of those previous occasions was nothing compared to the rush of adrenaline he was experiencing right now as her magical fingers traced their way to the belt buckle on his pants...

"You are a temptress woman." He told her as he savagely pulled the dress from her body. She lifted herself up and he pulled it clean off.

The image of her right now straddling him in her black lacy lingerie was one he knew it would not be easy to forget. She was perfection, her breasts were practically spilling over the top of her bra and he realised that every fantasy he had had was simply an injustice to her perfection...

" I know I'm not exactly in proportion and that I don't have the body of one of your skinny little supermodel wannabes..." She whispered, biting her lip as she slid his shirt from his shoulders. It was all very well voicing her doubts but now they had come this far, there really was no going back.

In response he grabbed hold of the straps her bra and pulled them down until she was tumbling free and he could finally lavish the breasts he had fantasised about with the attention of his mouth.

"You know I have no idea where you are getting all these misconceptions from. I know you're not like any other girl and that's exactly why I want to be with you and why I love you – because you're you and you're perfect." He told her in between the kisses he lavished upon her.

"Really?" She whispered.

"Baby do you really have to ask that question?" He asked.

"I'm sorry" She told him as her hands went for his belt buckle. "I guess I never expected this to happen and now that it has... I kind of can't believe it." She finished as she unfastened his button and zip.

"Baby believe it because this is happening and its happening right now." He told her as lifted them both to allow her to help him out of his dress pants.

"Oh God Derek... She mumbled as she realised the extent of his desire through his tented boxers. Never in her wildest dreams had she imagined that she could inspire that much want and desire in her Chocolate God, she had always worshipped him and they had always played and flirted but she had no idea how real those little games had been... Until now.

"You see Baby Girl that's all for you, it's always been for you." He told her as he gripped her and prepared to take them to the bedroom, if this was happening, then it was happening respectfully and properly.

"No Derek... Let's not go anywhere... At least not yet." She begged.

"What here?" He asked a little confused as she caught his lips in another tantalising kiss.

"Yes... Is that Ok?" She asked timidly.

"If that's what you want." He told her, settling back down again.

"I just want you Derek Morgan." She replied kissing him fully.

"Then we have something in common because I just want you Penelope Garcia." He told her, grabbing hold of the scrap of lace which passed for her underwear and removing them with a speed and grace that surprised her.

"Uh Mama, I just love your body." He moaned as his hands caressed every inch of her perfection and his fingers found their way into her intimacy.

He moved slowly at first, catching her lips at every available opportunity as he did so. She was quiet and responsive at first, grinding her hips against his movements. After a few moments her soft sighs turned into loud moans and , as he moved her closer to oblivion, she elicited loud screams which were sustained throughout the duration of her orgasm.

As she came down, she rested against his shoulder and he could feel the smile on his skin, it was a glorious moment he wanted to remember forever.

"Derek... Baby... That was amazing... how did you?... God..." She breathed her hands slipping inside of his boxers and attempting to release him...

"Goddess slowly Ok? We have time." He soothed as he held her shaking body.

"Derek I always knew if we ever had that _night of passionate love making_ it would be something Earth shattering, but that was out of this world." She told him.

"You know it sweetness." He laughed a little as she drew back her head and allowed him to pepper her neck with kisses.

"Now what do you say you show me that _good time _you've been promising me all these years." He suggested, removing his boxers with some difficulty considering she was cocooned around him and holding on tight.

"Your wish is my command my prince." She told him keeping her eyes locked on his as he held her hips and guided her down onto him...

"Jesus Penelope.." He hissed as they both sat completely still in shock.

Everything had happened so fast. This morning they had been at Emily's funeral and tonight they had gone from 'I love you' to making love in a matter of hours but it felt so perfect, so right to here together that neither of them could say or do anything but accept the wonderful sensation of being together in this way.

"You know I imagined it a lot of ways Derek, but never like this – on your couch..." She told him.

"Oh I've had this fantasy for sure, it's just never been this sexy." He told as she began to move with him.

"Oh God..." She sighed as he pushed up into her filling her so completely that it was almost painful.

They set an easy rhythm for themselves; they started slowly keeping their eyes locked onto each other as they moved. It was like everything else in the world had stopped, time itself had ceased to tick by and life as they knew it would never be the same again.

As their pace quickened and they drew closer to a mutually created Heaven, neither one of them spoke – no words seemed appropriate in the articulation of the intense and raw emotions each of them felt. It was pure bliss to be in this moment with a lover who just seemed to understand, who knew the other person almost better than they knew themselves...

Derek couldn't hold on much longer, it was agonising and yet he knew in their hastiness they hadn't thought about protection. He cursed himself then – she deserved better than this, he loved her and yet he hadn't even considered that this would pose a problem for them. He felt so stupid right now.

He caught her eye and she could see his anguish reflected back. She knew then exactly what he was thinking; it was precisely what she had been thinking only seconds earlier. He couldn't hold on and neither could she and whilst they weren't protected she couldn't find it in herself to care, she loved him and he loved her and everything else in the world just didn't matter... They had to do this, there was no alternative. She wanted to feel his release and know that in this small way they had offered each other comfort, in this way they would know that they weren't alone anymore.

"I know baby... I know... Please..." She told him giving him an open mouthed kiss.

"Penelope... Are you sure?" He asked, not sure what he would do now if she said no.

"Baby I have never been so sure of anything in my life, we're in love and this has been waiting to happen for so long...I need to feel you." She told him, kissing him again.

"I love you Goddess." He told her as he began thrusting into her harder, it wouldn't take much, he was so close...

"Oh God... Oh Derek... I love you." She cried out as she bit down on his shoulder.

She could feel herself beginning to convulse around him and it wasn't long before his hot love filled her. She could hear him bellowing her name at the top of his voice and she knew then that this night was going down in history for so many reasons.

The last thing she remembered before she became lost to oblivion was his whispered 'I love you'. Even at the height of his pleasure he had remembered to be considerate and she loved him for that. As she let the power of her orgasm consume her she squeezed her eyes shut and thought about how perfect this had been and how much she wished they could stay together forever.

* * *

They had collapsed against each other, his head resting against the back of the couch and hers in the crook of his shoulder – their energy entirely spent. Their breathing was erratic and their bodies glistened with the glow of the love they had made and right now, despite all the sadness of losing their friend somehow each of them had found a little slice of happiness.

"You are amazing Goddess." He murmured after a while. It had been a long time since Derek Morgan had been rendered powerless by a woman but it was then that the realisation hit him – this was not just any woman, this was the woman of his dreams.

"I always promised I would _rock your world _Hot Chocolate... I just... If I had known it could be that... sexy... Oh... I just love you so much." She whispered still not lifting her head.

"I love you too Mama." He promised.

"Derek..." She breathed.

"Mm?"

"What happens now?" She asked and he could hear the flirtatious suggestion in her voice.

"Now I am going to take you to bed Penelope Garcia, exactly what I have been dreaming of doing ever since I first laid eyes on you." He told her.

"Oh really?" She teased; this was exactly what she had hoped he would say.

"Really." He replied making sure her body was securely wrapped around his as he got to his feet.

As he laid her gently against his dark sheets, he could not comprehend an image more perfect than that of her pale skin and golden hair splayed before him right now. He raked his eyes over her body shamelessly and he couldn't understand why she blushed so violently. She was beautiful. Why couldn't she understand that?

"I've always wanted to know what it felt like to be in your bed Derek, I was always jealous..." She told him, hoping to distract him from his appraisal of her entire body.

"Well let me tell you, you don't need to be jealous anymore Baby Girl. From now on it's going to be you. It always was I just never realised how much I wanted you until I couldn't have you..." He breathed.

"You can have me now..." She murmured trying to encourage him.

"Oh I intend to." He laughed.

"Good, just promise me that we'll keep doing this forever." She begged.

"Trust me Mama I am never letting you go again." He told her firmly.

"I never want to go anywhere if it isn't with you." She promised.

"Well I'm glad to hear that sweetness." He told her as he moved his body to cover hers.

"Derek..." She whispered just as he was about to kiss.

"Yes Goddess?" He replied.

"I'm glad we realised." She told him.

"Me too Penelope." He agreed as he covered her lips with his own...

* * *

**Well there it is. I hope you enjoyed it, as I said it kind of had to be written, plus I did it in an effort to cheer myself up so I hope there was at least something there to make you smile. I would love to know what you thought of it, reviews always make me smile and right now I could use a smile or two. **

**As promised work has already commenced on the next chapter of WCK so look out for that soon. **

**Love you all. **

_**X~Michelle~X**_


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